Surviving Is Hard...

Real Love

What is to come...

Waiting Room at the Oncology office on Wednesday

It's the wee hours of Thursday morning.   The long day that was Wednesday with  doctors' visits was over.... sleep was not my friend although I was extremely tired.  
I started at 9:00 in the morning and didn't arrive home until almost 4 pm.   The Oncologists' I met with are special people who really cared and treated me with dignity, understanding and warmth.  All of which I needed on this day as my reality began to set in.

I find that on nights like these instead of laying in bed with a million things swirling in my head, that it is better and more beneficial for me to get up and write down my thoughts.  Not necessarily to publish, but just to get them down on paper and sometimes things take a more rational perspective.

The good news is that I don't need chemo therapy!  Radiation therapy is recommended....5 days per week for 3 - 7 weeks!
I have to do another mammogram to determine that my doctor got everything out before any therapy can begin...not looking forward to that procedure either!

When I came home from the doctors I decided that for the rest of the day I was not going to try to be brave and strong but just to let it be...
It's these times I wonder why me and what did I do wrong to deserve all this???

I still try not to lose sight that things could be worse.  I have lots of great family support, I am still here, awesome friends and still enjoy life to max... still creating wonderful memories.

Nothing is perfect, and making the best of what is presented is my way of doing it but...

Life Keeps Ticking Along With Ups and Downs... but hanging in there!

View of my Hometown at night 

Since my first brain surgery in 2008, I had been steadily losing weight.  For me that is a big deal, since I am normally slender.  To date I have lost about 15 pounds and was still unable to gain or maintain my normal weight.

My goal to gain back the lost weight was not realized when I lived in Italy for three months.

Recently one of my brothers voiced his concern to my sister who in turn told me and suggested multivitamins and other measures. 

My doctor ordered prescription multivitamins and liquid supplements for me. 

My appetite is slowing increasing and I am so happy!   I have gained back 6 pounds so far!

A few weeks ago I had a followup mammogram.  Last year, more calcium buildup than normal was detected and I was advised to followup.  Turns out that this year the concern was greater and I was advised to have a biopsy, which I did a few weeks ago.  Thankfully it didn't detect cancer but I was strongly advised to do a lumpectomy in early December.  I was still recovering from the biopsy.  

The lumpectomy results showed very early stage of cancer!  I was not expecting this result at all!
I have not totally processed this new diagnosis yet.  In some ways I am still dealing with the shock because I simply thought I had more than enough on my plate already.

Next week I will meet with doctors for radiation and chemo therapy to figure out if I need further treatment.  My doctor said she got all of the bad stuff out but you never know.

Let's see what next week has in store for me...

New Discovery Makes Researchers Rethink CSF Absorption

The discovery of lymphatic vessels in the brain overturns decades of scientific dogma and provides a new target for scientific investigation. For hydrocephalus researchers, this discovery is extremely exciting because the lymphatic system represents an alternative route for cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) absorption.
Read more of this exciting discovery here:
http://www.hydroassoc.org/new-discovery-makes-researchers-rethink-csf-absorption/?vsmaid=3534

My Story Submitted and Published On Huffington Post - Voices Of Strength: How I'm Surviving A Very Rare Disease

In January 2008 I had my second miscarriage at five months. My husband and I were devastated but couldn't imagine what was to come next.

I was already having major, intense pain on my right shoulder, neck and unable to raise my right arm. I went to see a chiropractor but my symptoms just worsened. I told my doctor about it and requested a referral to a physical therapist. After several months of therapy without any success my therapist decided to write a detailed letter to my doctor urging him to order an MRI of my brain because the level of weakness on my right side was inconsistent with my age.

Read More Here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dawn-brule/how-im-surviving-a-very-rare-disease_b_7985396.html?utm_hp_ref=voices-of-strength

My Journey ..Living Abroad With a Chronic illness ..Part Three

"Van Gogh Alive"....Beautiful Light Exhibit on His Life and Art

 In the beautiful deconsacrated church of Santo Stefano al Ponte located in the heart of Florence near Ponte Vecchio, where outstanding cultural and musical events take place.

The time is going by so quickly.  There is so much to see and do here in Firenze.  The beautiful towns and hamlets around also add to the tons of interesting places to visit.
We decide to visit a hilltop village called Fiesole.
A day trip from Florence to Fiesole is a must for any visitor to this part of Tuscany.   Aside from the sights of interest within and near Fiesole itself, on a sunny day the view from the Fiesolean hills looking out over Florence is spectacularly beautiful. Fiesole can be reached by car or bus, and also (for the fit only) on foot along narrow walled roads past numerous fine villas, including the Villa Medici at Fiesole.

Well we did a combination of bus and foot.  Steve walked from our apartment and I walked into town to catch the bus.  On my way to the bus I stopped on the square to listen to a group of Italian young men in concert playing violin....they were awesome!
I got to Fiesole about half an hour or so before Steve got there on foot.  Which was pretty remarkable since it was straight up the hill and a hard walk.

Fiesole is of Etruscan origin, as may be seen from the remains of its ancient walls, and was probably founded in the 9 C BC. One possible reason for the prosperity of Etruscan and Roman Fiesole could be its location near a ford over the Arno close to where Roman Florence (Florentia) would rise. Fiesole's location also made it strategic for travellers on all the main roads between southern and central Etruria to the south of Italy (covering large parts of present day Tuscany, Umbria and Latium) and the Etruscans in the area around the Po valley to the north of Italy.

Great music on the Square

The Square at Fiesole

Steve hanging out in Fiesole after his hike up the hill

Art ..Fiesole

Sunset ...Fiesole

Sunset ...Fiesole

Steve left for Canada the beginning of March and I was now on my own.  It was hard losing my companion but I kept the faith knowing that I had made some friends and had people I could call on for help if needed.  I also reminded myself that I had originally planned to take this trip solo....so I reverted back to that frame of mind and continued to enjoy my time in Florence. 
I used my time alone to visit all the major museums in Firenze.  I purchase the yearly pass for most of the museums in Firenze on the recommendation of our new friend Matt from Chicago.   Buying the pass was worth it.  You don't have to stand in the long lines and it makes visiting each museum easy and carefree.  The cost was 60 Euros.

Museum Pass for Florence 

 My next stop was Milan!  The high speed train was less than 2 hours.  A beautiful ride along the countryside.

Home of Italy's stock exchange, an industrial powerhouse and the internationally accepted arbiter of taste in fashion and design, Milan is a seething metropolis. At times it can seem brash and soulless but beneath the veneer is a serious sense of history and place. The grand Gothic Cathedral, the Duomo, lies at the geographical heart of this one-time Imperial Roman capital, and expresses the love of beauty and power that still drives the city today. Art collections old and new, unparalleled shopping, one of Europe's biggest trade-fair complexes, sparkling nightlife, the prestige of opera at La Scala, the mark of Leonardo da Vinci's genius, a religious addiction to calcio (football), and endless opportunities to eat the best of Lombard and Italian food make Milan much more than the puritanically work-obsessed city it is often portrayed as. The city’s next big date with destiny is Expo 2015, a world exhibition.
Read more: http://www.lonelyplanet.com/italy/milan#ixzz3dO9CrhMV 

Although it was pouring rain all day I had the best time in Milan.  Far cry from my feelings heading out in the the rain that morning.

The culture, the people, atmosphere was just awesome!  I hate to use this word but the "energy" was just intoxicating.  I had an awesome lunch at a great roof top restaurant with an enclosed terrace overlooking the Gothic Cathedral.   I was alone but didn't feel alone for one second.  Truth be told I had to make a mad rush back to the train station and got on the train with only minutes to spare.

The Cathedral of Milan

Lighted candles for the babies (Alexandria and Meredith) at Cathedral of Milan

Milan (back of Cathedral of Milan in rear)

Live Music on the Plaza in Milan

 ...Milan

It's time....to head back home to North America but first I flew from Florence back to Rome for a few days.  It was ending too soon...
My first stop in Roma was the Spanish Step or Piazza Di Spagna.  At the end of the seventeenth century, it was called Trinità dei Monti, after the church that dominates the square from above, but it was later given the name we know today after the Spanish Ambassador who lived there.
I decided to accept the recommendation of my landlady in Florence to purchase a day pass for the on/off tourist bus the next day.  I purchased it at the hotel for 20 Euros.  
After stopping at various sites I headed to Vatican City.  I had lunch at a great restaurant near the Vatican then took in the sites.

Rome...on the way to the Spanish Steps

Spanish Steps...Rome

Palazzo Barberine

My door key served as my on/off switch for electricity

Ruins in Rome

                                                                               Vatican City

Dinner in Rome

The next morning I was on my way to the airport, heading to Canada.
After a few weeks in Canada I headed back to Maryland.

I am super happy I went on this adventure and I highly recommend it. 
After all the sickness, sadness for the past several years I finally stated to gain back some of the confidence I had lost.  Everyone says I understand or they think they see all but there are some things that I cannot begin to explained to anyone.  I just have to solve it myself and that means either "sinking" or "swimming".   
I choose to swim!   I am the happiest I have been in many years...it dawned on me that things or people are not the reason for inner happiness ... I have to get up each day and make that choice for myself and everything and everyone else will be just the icing on top.

Where will the next adventure take me?? Stay tuned...

Arrivederci!

Giardino Boboli (Boboli  Gardens)

Van Gogh Alive Exhibit

 Van Gogh’s art (one of my all time favorite Artist) comes to life in a vibrant symphony of light, color and sound.  The innovative Sensory 4 system projects over 3,000 high-definition images  to create an extraordinary exhibition and offers a journey into the creative and visionary world of the artist: immersing you entirely in his art and tumultuous existence.

Man poses as Leonardo da Vinci  Outside the Galleria deli Uffizi

The garden at Palazzo Strozzi

A sampling of Museums and Sites toured

Wedding pictures on the Ponte Vecchio  

Flowers in my Apartment

Sign of spring on the Ponte Vecchio the day before my departure